Sweat, Create, Meditate (30 Days of Yoga)

When I was typing out the title for this post, I accidentally wrote “Swear, create, meditate” and honestly, that would fit too.

A couple of months ago, I had a pretty big blip. The details of what happened aren’t too important, but it was one of those perfect storm episodes where my physical health, mental health and sleep disorder all went to pot at once. Which came first? I don’t really know, but once it started to go downhill, they all fed into each other. There were, of course, a few external factors – a stressful period of work/business, the change of season, some personal disappointments – but over the years, I’ve learned it’s less about what’s going on and more about how I respond to it.

There are a few things that always seem to help when I am not doing so well – movement, mindful creativity and reconnecting with myself and with friends. Of course, actually remembering to do those things, and then finding the motivation to get out of bed and do anything, are separate problems, but one issue at a time! Perhaps this blog post will serve as a reminder for me to do them next time.

I wanted to write particularly about the movement part of this today. While I know that exercise is really good for me when I am unwell, it can also be a bit of a risky business when things aren’t great. I’m having some body image issues at the moment, as I’ve put on a fair bit of weight over the last year. While this is kind of a good thing, after years of not absorbing food properly, it can also lead to some unhealthy attitudes and obsessions with exercise and weight loss. To try and counter this, I tried to hold the quote “Exercise is a celebration of what your body can do, not a punishment for what you ate” in my mind.

“Exercise is a celebration of what your body can do, not a punishment for what you ate.”

This led me to 30 Daysof Yoga with Adriene and The Fitness Marshall on YouTube. Adriene has such a peaceful, loving, gentle way of working that I found myself focusing less on the exercise and more on just taking that time to build my own emotional and physical strength. The Fitness Marshall dances are so much fun, it really does feel like a celebration and just a joyful thing to be doing, regardless of the physical benefits. I can’t dance in the same way I could pre-illness, but both the yoga and dance videos have proven to me that I can do more than I realised, and over the 30 days, I have regained strength and flexibility I thought was lost forever.

Of course, it wasn’t all smooth sailing. On day two, I completely broke down, doing far more crying than yoga because my emotional state was still pretty fragile from sleep deprivation, and there was one day where I had to drop down into child’s pose halfway through the practice, as my blood pressure was too low to continue. There were also a number of days where my assistance dog tried to join in, and I collapsed out of poses, laughing, as she licked my face or climbed over and underneath me (and one day where she bit my boob while I was lying on the floor– not sure what that was about!) But my intention for the 30 days was simply to show up on the metaphorical yoga mat every day, and I’m so glad I did. Taking that time for myself has really helped me to get back on track.

The good thing about this blip has been that even at the worst points, I knew it was temporary. When you’re in a bad place, be it physical, mental or sleep related, it can be really hard to see any way out of it. It feels like it will never get better, and more than that, it feels like it has never been any better before. The bad place is just all consuming. 

Being able to hold on to the insight that it is always temporary and will pass is a huge step forward for me, and one I hope I will be able to hold on to when the next (temporary) blip arises.

Thanks for reading,

Little Miss Autoimmune