This was not a decision I made lightly. I had to spend a lot of time soul searching to figure out whether I was simply avoiding other treatments out of fear, or whether not seeking further treatment and accepting the disordered sleep was a valid option. In the end, I came to the conclusion that acceptance was the right path for me.
This has been hard for some people to understand. I’ve had many people suggest a range of alternative therapies, or insist that I should go back to the sleep specialist or seek a second opinion. I’ll admit, my responses to these suggestions have not always been polite, and I do at times get defensive in these conversations. Accepting my sleep disorder doesn’t mean that I want to have it, or that I have given up. It just means that I no longer put any energy into resenting or trying to change the fact that I do have it. When it comes down to it, I don’t really believe the sleep disorder is going anywhere, no matter what I try. I can continue to put all my energy into fighting it, or I can choose to live the best life I can with it.
Accepting something negative as a part of your life is not always easy, and there are times, particularly if I’m having a run of bad nights, where it can be nearly impossible. But ultimately, I believe this is the best thing for me.
There is of course still the problem of the more dangerous aspects of my sleep wandering. My sleep specialist advised that I would need to make my environment as safe as possible. My floors need to be kept clear, to reduce the risk of tripping, and I keep all internal doors open so that I don’t run into them when I’m trying to escape scary dreams. Unfortunately, there’s only so much I can do, and I do still at times injure myself or wake up to find myself in potentially dangerous situations.
Just after things got really bad with my sleep stuff, a friend suggested getting an assistance dog to wake me if I started sleep wandering. I wasn’t 100% sure how or if it would work, but it seemed like something that could potentially help, so I applied. The waiting list for dogs was several years long though, so I didn’t expect anything to come of it for a while.
Earlier this year, I was contacted by Assistance Dogs New Zealand, saying that even though I was still quite far down the waiting list, they had a dog who they thought may fit my situation well. They began the process of training him for me.
To cut a long story short, this particularly dog did not work out for me. He had very high energy, and was quite strong, which was difficult for me to manage as I’m unsteady on my feet and don’t have great hand strength, so couldn’t grip his lead very well. This is of course one of the difficult things about having multiple conditions, as sometimes the things that help one make another worse. The fact that my conditions are so changeable also didn’t help, as I was having a particularly good day when I was first interviewed by Assistance Dogs New Zealand, and so they matched me to a dog based on that. But I would also need to be able to care for the dog at my worst, and after seeing me on a bad day, Assistance Dogs NZ decided that this was not the right placement for this particular dog, and I had to agree.
The good thing was that I had a trial with another dog, before he went to his permanent placement. He was a lot calmer, and found this very helpful for my sleep problems. While it didn’t stop me having sleep disturbances, I found that I didn’t react as strongly to them. While I was still very scared of the things I was seeing, I could tell from the fact that the dog wasn’t reacting to them, that they must just be dreams. This meant I felt less of an impulse to get up and run away, which reduced the risk of me hurting myself. Funnily enough, this has never worked with having a person in the house, as I tend to just incorporate them into my dreams, or even blame them for the strange things I’m seeing!
So, I am back on the list to be matched with another dog, though it will be a couple of years before that happens. In the meantime, I am fundraising for Assistance Dogs New Zealand, as raising $20,000 to go towards training future dogs is a requirement of receiving a dog.
This has been an interesting time for me. Of course I got attached to both the dogs who came and stayed with me, and was very sad to see them go, but it was very useful to have this experience before I receive my own dog in a couple of years’ time. I still believe that not fighting against or resenting my sleep disorders – or any or my illnesses for that matter – is the best thing for me. I can live a great life with or without health problems. Having an assistance dog is just a way for me to manage my illnesses, and live my best life, sleep disorder or not.
If you’re interested in Assistance Dogs New Zealand, and the work they do, you can find more information on the Assistance Dogs New Zealand website. If you would like to, you can also donate to my fundraiser for them on my Givealittle page. All donations, big or small, are very gratefully received 😊
Thanks for reading
Little Miss Autoimmune